Space bogs!

"Space bogs!" Captain Seymour DickLogic ejaculated furiously while staring out of the supremely thick view port of the captain's man cave. For once, he was not admiring his chiseled perfection, neither his perfect hair or the precise angle of his epaulettes could steer him from his ire. He turned to his confidante du jour, the impossibly cantilevered Doctor Firm-Posterior. (For some reason, Ensign Lovelyjugs was nowhere to be found.) "Doctor Firm-Posterior, what is the meaning of this nonsensical directive from Star Fleet about not allowing Gays in the Space Marines?" He glared at the directive that was so important it was printed on the pink directive plastopaper that resisted destruction by anything less than a mark IV disposabin. His barely restrained manly rage was visible only as his brow furrowed in white hot fury. "I don't care which hole they stick it in as long as they kill it first!"

Doctor Firm-Posterior wondered if she would need to administer the cricket bat of calming, "I am led to believe it is something to do with recruits neglecting to have their Space Rabies shots." She looked over his shoulder at the memo, taking care not to be stabbed in the face by the epaulettes, "Admiral Smallmitts du Hairypalms? Everyone knows he hates the Space Marines since wife monumented that erection to their glorious sacrifice on the planet of the walking wombs."

Captain Seymour DickLogic glowered handsomely at his reflection. "Anyone refusing their Space Rabies shot will be put off my ship immediately! Make it so."

"That's a bit harsh."

"And made to clean the outhouse." He pointed at the relevant structure. Fortunately this new ship had inboard outhouses too. The previous one had only had one latrine for all the red shirts and there had been problems. "I shall make a ship wide announcement after the hour of fooding."

"What an excellent idea," the doctor put her sedative cricket bat away and showed him her latest Space Rabies kit. "We just got the new mark V needleless phaser in both pink, blue and green!" she demonstrated the dial, it had two sets of settings: male, female either or both and stun or kill. "Would you like a booster shot?" She would have to do something about the labels, fancy cutting corners by repurposing the old red shirt training dummies.

"Does it still have those terrible side effects?" Captain Seymour DickLogic was calm now, having decided to act he would act and emotion was completely unnecessary. Folding the directive in half again, he crushed it in his magnificent large hands.

"I'm afraid so, but Space Rabies is serious, you only catch it once." She admired her reflection in the viewport, for some reason there was a queue of pink suits for the port outhouse again, she would have to send a nurse to investigate. The phaser went "boop!" and she admired the pattern it formed on her firm posterior. "Ladies first." she chimed lustily. "Which buttock is feeling unloved today?"