Let's Negatonium Party!

Captain Seymour DickLogice broodingly surveyed the enemy fleet. For the first time in several episodes, this was not Doctor Firm-Posterior's toes. But a real fleet, real space ships, really large numbers of them too. More than ten anyway.

They were fabulously outnumbered. The Battletug was taking damage from debris and it was starting to look a mite scruffy. "Plus Un-Good." He grunted, stepping up to the helm and pressing the button to turn off the cruise control. Taking the wheel his magnificently chiselled body bulged under his space onesie as he cranked it to the right. "Hard a starboard!" He roared as the enemy capital ship filled the entire viewport with its horribly beweaponed glory and the dread labial canons started trying to burn holes in things with their plasmic beams. "Handbrake!" He ejaculated forcefully, pulling the lever that the junior helmsman had just been polishing.

The ship's arse started to come around as the HMS Upskirt lost its space grip. "Maximum Science!" Every lovely spliffing knob laser and thrusting missile launcher on the port side thundered in ecstasy as they all fired at the same time. raking the Hive Collective's Battle Spliff.

"Cor blimey!" The weapons officer nearly made a puddle from the pleasure of iring so many weapons at once. She even fired the space paint guns too, they just happened to be programmed to redecorate.

"Maximum Thrusting!"

Even drifting sideways, the awesome Manspreader Drives found their galatictraction and manfully thrust the HMS Upskirt deeper into the enemy fleet's quivering unprotected privates.

"Captain! Cockship dead ahead!" The helmsman screamed in fear, a perfectly normal red shirt reaction to seeing your end coming towards you, especially if you were a girl red shirt and didn't have an end. Yet. The emergency machine that went ping! started to go ping! Almost on cue.

"Fire forward science missiles!"

The weapons officer moaned from the wave of unstoppable manliness that was The Captain doing Captain stuff, DickLogic always won through.

"Brace for impact!" The announcer swooned from carborundum level balls, her safety harness disintegrated and only a lucky grab from Mister Tripod's prehensile third leg prevented her from splattering herself all over the viewport.

"More Science! Give them everything, Twice!" Captain Seymour DickLogic hauled the helm around "Ramming Thrust!" His uniform onesie disintegrated from the manliness, glistening chiselled muscles bulged and the Helmsman filled her ensign nappies with wonder.

The impact was glorious. It was so loud even nearby space ships heard it.

Then things turned serious. The cockship was broken and spewing negatonium from its tanks. Negatonium, one half of the space fuel that made antimatter look like baby milk. It reacted with space it was that exciting.

Captain Seymour DickLogic knew all about Brownian Motion, Doctor Firm-Posterior was very good at it. He was rather pleased to witness it through lovely hard and thick viewports of viewing.

"Damage report." Captain Seymour DickLogic grunted as he calmly watched the cockship tear in half, its fuel reacting with space and engulfing other ships, reacting with them and spreading out in a technicolour orgasm of destruction.

"The primal schlong is all limp and recharging, the manspreaders are way over temperature. You're looking at a week's worth of repairs even if we can get the secondary schlong to provide enough-"

"Hive collective will be licking our posterior in less than ten minutes." The captain noted drolly, those that survived the space rending orgasm as the negatonium reacted with the other cockship and contacted its cargo. The other part of the two part fuel that the Hive Collective used, positronium. A pure positive charge that just happened to be made from antimatter. Fortunately the HMS Upskirt had plenty of inertia and a whole starboard side full of spare science. The spreading rainbow fireball started to shimmer and pulsate as reactions that made grown scientists wet the beds happened for real. Albeit slightly uncontrolled.

Captain Seymour DickLogic calmly put on his peril sensitive sunglasses and they turned completely black.

"Keep them out of my space onesie for five!" The chief engineer could see nothing but glare and magnificent chiselled muscles. He rushed off to give orders to his nurses.

"You heard the man, five minutes." The captain glanced at the weapons officer, her space onesie was all wet. "pull yourself together Bangbangbangbangkaboom, how much science have we got left?"

"Five minutes of science experiments coming right up!" Tiffany Bangbangbangbangkaboom was the weapons officer for a reason. It wasn't the insanity but it helped.