Captain Seymour Dicklogic - Onions.

These are the voyages of the starship HMS Upskirt, their five year mission, to boldly split infinitives that no man has split before. No, wait. They are on a quest to find The Lost Tomb of the most fabulariffic captain ever. Captain Seymour Dicklogic.

Starring, Acting Captain Doktor Firm-Posterior!

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In the beginning, before the start, even before the pilot episode...

"Captain! Sir~ Ma'am! There's a Hive Collective spy in our midst!"

Acting captain Doktor Firm-Posterior arched an eyebrow speculatively, wishing she could furrow it with manly pride, but that was not to be. "Do we know who it is?"

"Indeed."

The captain thought about clenching her fists, but that was silly. "Excellent. Promote them all the way to the Quadrant Base on Fogmatic. The last thing we need them finding out is that we have found Captain Seymour Dicklogic's tomb, plan to extract his DNA and make a thousand clones."

"A thousand Captain Seymour Dicklogics? Are you insane?"

This was probably a furrow brows moment, or clench them or something. "To be on this show, I would have thought you already knew the answer to that question."

"Oh."

"Promote yourself too."

"What if I am the spy?"

"Then promote your script writer too." The acting captain sighed in a most unmanly way. She had a bad feeling about this series. "Just think of the chaos we could cause with even one Captain Seymour Dicklogic. A thousand, however, would be glorious." She glanced at the master-at-arms, Weapons officer Tiffany Bangbangbangbangkaboom, actually a woman but it was hard to tell if those were grenades or claymores. "The Former first officer needs to be put off at the foreplay base, they are being promoted to the Quadrant Base on Fogmatic."

"Yes, ma'am."