Introducing, The Loin King!

"Greetings, it is I, the new number 2, Doctor A Kodpiece. Combined gynecologist and dance instructor. Such is my lot in life."

A bevy of nurses gleefully chimed in, "welcome to the lair of the loin king♥ Now with extra loins!" and finished with a chorus of "Hallelujah♪"

"As a famous doctor, I find that life would be so much easier without patients. Particularly not ones with obscene diseases they found on Cosmogoogle. They are the worst. Why, I even had a patiennt who claimed, actually claimed mind you, to have chronic Boyce-Codd Normal Form. I mean, even the stupidest of the stupid can't catch that without spending a year in the Lewd Quadrant of The Flesh Pits of Gordon again and here she was, not even thirty. My psychologist wife made millions from that delusion.

"Of course, merely having an awesome name is not going to make one rich and famous, that required word of moth referals from famous unmentionables. Or sleezy advertising, but that brings undesirable patients. Sick patients with horrible contagion like PHP or the perennial ID-ten-T virus."

"The horror♪" the nurses chimed in, they also did a mean line dance but it was too early in the day for that.

"So, I stick with referrals, preferably normal ones like-"

"Me?" A young woman with blue hair chimed in cheerfully.

"Indeed, patient number 6."

"I've never been a number before." She noted cheerfully, having given up counting nurses.

"You get used to it. This way I can't let slip your real name, not even if it is an impotent plot point. The previous number 6 got all bent out of shape and needed sedating quite a lot." The Doctor noted, she was unusually girl-like, not his usual clientele at all. "And why, perchance, are you here?"

"Well, I thought I'd see if I had some really obscure disease, you know, like that one with all the ells." She boggled at a brochure, unable to resist opening it until a nurse rescued her from the impropriety.

"Creamcake-itis? Chronic Crumpetities? You don't need me, you need a better scriptwriter." The doctor noted, "So, do I have to look at my script or should we adlib our way out of this mess?" He gestured to a nurse to wheel away the poor teleprompter.

"Oh, definitely ad-lib, it's more fun and we can try to slip something past the BLEEPING button," the young woman sat on the comfy examination bed and examined the collection of anatomically correct dolls. "My maid hates it though, she says it is bad for her springs."

"That's why I have nurses."

"Nurses♥" the nurses chimed cheerfully. There seemed to be more of them.

"I noticed. Why are they all the same? There are at least five in reception alone."

"Cloning machine. Now you know why they are illegal." The doctor handed her a Haynes Owner's Guide for your MAN.

"Because you cloned a few nurses?"

"This was just a test run. The Golden Banana Slug wanted to make clones of himself and have his brain imaged into them so he could achieve immortality." The doctor looked sad, "we had to destroy the machine before that."

"So, you're Manliance, what are you doing working for the Hive Collective?"

"I work for anyone who pays, so do the nurses."

"All five er, ten of them?"

"Several hundred actually."

"Oh. Anyway."

"Ah yes, as a famous doctor of not inconsiderable skill I suppose we should examine you and see what is wrong. We can fire up the Cosmogalactiwundascanner and electrocute you."

"Is it safe?"

"You're paying me to find out. The nurses love it."

"Van der Graaf♪"

"Or, I also have one of the three remaining working Cosmo-Zubbolex if you're old enough." He looked at the young woman and she nodded, smiling cheerfully. "Maybe not. Fans, naughty-bits. Good for the ratings for minor characters."

"I'm an arch-baddie." The young woman admitted, struggling with her hair. Three nurses materialised, put it up in ring-pulls and vanished in as many seconds as it took to realise they had done it.

"Oh dear♥" Some nurses trilled.

"How about a blood test and today's special?"

"Cheesecake?" She asked, staring at the syringe.

"In some shows, you would be the cheesecake, but I hear that belongs to someone called Ensign Lovelyjugs." The doctor brandished the mighty syringe of exsanguination.

OUCH! BLONGE! WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE YEAH!

The Doctor looked at the telex as it hammered out the results, lovingly with the force of a runaway brontosaurus on speed. "Miss, you are about two episodes pregnant with a plot device."

"So?"

"Probably end of season cliffhanger at this rate. Unless you buy some upgrades." He handed her the printout, real paper in this day and age!

"I see." the shocking news could not sink her battleship. This young lady was made of sterner stuff. She also had a very large battleship. Part of a fleet actually.

"Cheesecake?" The doctor offered.

"Cheesecake♥" The nurses chanted.

"Sure, easy with the gravy. Then I must be going. Planets to bombard, you know how it is." She watched the nurses with frilly aprons set the table and provide a selection of cheesecakes with gravy.

"About my fee?" The doctor broached a subject that to some was even more delicate that what various holes were for and how not to get an entire chandelier stuck where it jingled.

"Yes? With or without malice?"

"Is there anyone you hate enough to bill some exorbitant sum?"

A nurse showed her a selection of monogrammed frillies, "We have a special on the letter V for Victory this episode," she trilled, "and the bras come with unobtainium carbide points, you can cut hull metal with them." She added sotto voce. "Princess Gerund of Gerundopia?" The young woman offered.

"Excellent," the doctor pulled out two solid gold dodecahedrons and rolled them on the table, "Seventeen and four, that makes what, 170000 oobleks." He mused, "the chocolate cheesecake is particularly awesome today, Nurse 3.14159 baked it."

The young woman wondered when ooblek had been their currency. "Is that a lot? You did include the extra creamcakes and gravy? And a communicable disease, like Stupidity."

"Stupidity isn't contagious," Doctor A Kodpiece pointed out.

"I like how you can say that with a straight face. Like you actually believe it. Have you considered a career in politics♥" The young woman asked.