Incautious haddocking costs lines.

The Cosmonipple was haddocking in space, HMS Upskirt was nowhere within sensor range and this was a bad sign. That meant that the thrice accursed Captain Seymour DickLogic was slacking off somewere doing a Science!

The Vagendra of Manocide was bored and considering a manicure. Sharp pointy fingernails were all very well for puncture wounds but made picking one's nose really dangerous. She looked down from her throne at the mighty space screen and the endless black depths of space, give or take a few stuck pixels.

"Begging your atrocities your magnificence, but we discovered another enemy spy in our space latrines." The Officer in charge of looking scary diffidently interrupted her reverie.

"I see, and what was he doing there?"

"The usual. An ensign reported him under that snitch-on-your-fellows initiative from the Supreme Wubbawubba Dingdong." The Officer explained, it was a pretty stupid initiative and likely the Supreme Wubbawubba was in for a rude awakening.

"Very well..."

"I'll never tell!" The prisoner screamed, the awesome acoustics of the bridge made his voice echo several times.

"What, you expect us to torture you in order to gain information, possibly accurate and likely fatal? What in the name of the sacred fishnets do they teach you in spy school?" The Vagendra of Manocide looked down from her mighty throne, It had quite a few cute cushions on, care of the Maid Centurion nearby. "If I wanted such information, I would already have it. I have better things to do than deal with prisoners. State your name, rank and cereal number for the records."

"Toilet Roll Replacement Specialist second class. Thust Whiplash, double porridge and haggis." The prisoner declared, he pulled out his dog-tags to check, "sorry, double porridge and black pudding." He looked embarrassed. Fancy mixing up those two in front of the Arch-Baddie of the series.

"And what, exactly is a Toilet Roll Replacement Specialist second class?" The Vagendra of Manocide wondered aloud.

"I replace the toilet rolls in the toilets when they are empty, and I am going to get my first class badge when I get back!" The prisoner declared. "For I have mastered the one handed flibble!"

"Camel, Is the orgasmatron fixed?" The Vagendra of Manocide asked her maid.

"Sopwith ma'am! I am afraid not, the wubbulator's bearings are completely shot after that incident with Nurse Corblimey!" And what an incident that had been. They were still scraping panties off the mirrors on the priapic cannon gundecks.

"Throw him to the ensigns." The Vagendra of Manocide decided, then added after a suspenseful pause, "alive."

"What if he knows about the legend of the dance of the propellors? Surely that is useful knowledge?" The Officer pointed out, having read his script properly.

The Vagendra of manocide shrugged, "I already have tickets and a box seat next week." she waved a dismissive hand, "Camel, where's my best girl guide's uniform?"

"Sopwith!" The Maid Centurion complained as the prisoner was escorted away to his unthinkable doom. All those poor ensigns, their first man since last week!