The dungeon of EMBARRASSING STAIN.

"And so it came to pass that team DickLogic entered the dungeon of EMBARRASSING STAIN and ascended the stair to- Can you read that?" Daisy Jones ruined her narration because her script was disintegrating.

"Not without my reading glasses." Seymour the destroyer rumbled manfully. Holding the soggy script at arm's length. "what's this stain?"

"I sat on it." Daisy admitted, "maybe the cleric can read it, they all have terrible writing and amazing reading skills."

Cleric Firm-Posterior took one look at the script, "I am not touching that!" She stared at the script "beware the Gygax? Seriously? That thing is still alive?"

Truly Unstoppable looked back down the stairs, they were both remarkably straight and really well worn, here and there, water trickled down the tunnel sides and joined a small gully next to the steps. The droll elf admired the view as he was following her. Her underwear was actually worse than not wearing anything and all she had on was underwear. Bikini fighters were terrifying warriors and he was thankful for the poor lighting. "Do you always dress like this?"

"Only if it's warm," Truly turned around and narrowly avoided clubbing him to death without using her hands. "is it true about elves and their fear of underwear?" As a pantie fighter, her panties were some tensioned wire, a button and a postage stamp. It was embarrassing being so overdressed too. A harness around her waist held an assortment of weapons up to and including a seven twoths carrot on a stick.

"Where did you hear that stupid story?" The elf asked, his even monotone not waving even a semi-quaver. "You didn't read it in The Timely Times did you?"

"No, it was on the news, that big bust up with the Prudish Prunes Guild versus Clan Panties."

"Ah, that. It's a bit of both. Have you ever had your underwear explode violently?" The elf asked, not that there was enough of her panties to make even a faint pop. "Elf metabolism is weird. Anyway, the slightest accident equal boom. So not wearing anything is much safer."

"What about the men?"

"We wear mythril boxers."

They heard a loud squeak from the top of the stairs not far ahead. Followed by a strange splosh reminiscent of falling in a bucket.

"Now this looks more like a dungeon," miss Slime reached the top of the stairs and was confronted with a wide stone corridor that wouldn't have looked out of place in a dungeon, the only difference from the stereotype was the use of fluorescent lighting. "Welcome to level two. What are we looking for?"

"Not sure, I didn't read my script before this creature slimed me." Daisy lamented. It had also eaten her script, or dissolved it or something. Her magical lolly dress was looking a bit sad too.

"No, you can't keep it as a pet! It's a gelatinous cube!"

"Slime surely."

"No, those are slimy."

"More importantly," Seymour the destroyer grumbled manfully, furrowing his brow, "how do you kill a gelatinous cube?"

"With fire!" The blue-haired lolly bunny witch chimed in cheerfully. She didn't think slimes were cute, her tail was never going to be fluffy again at this rate. She pulled out her wand, no the magic wand for casting spells. Not the other one because she didn't have one. This was both a boon and a problem for the unfair sex. Double entendres were wasted on her.

"Don't you have to chant some silly spell and dance around like you have ants in your pants?" the party scientist didn't believe in magic, even if he saw it with his own eyes it was likely a delusion caused by the cold medication he was on. It was righteous stuff, so potent it could even cure a common cold. It was also illegal in this kingdom but not just over the border where he was from. Like maple syrup.

"Don't be silly. I have a button on my wand."

"Kinky~" miss Slime noted, despite having a gloriously similar name, they were not related at all.

The foomage was mighty.

The party science officer examined the charred remains, there wasn't much left of the giant slime, or the blue-haired lolly witch's Mary Quant one-piece. He then pulled out his book and looked it up. "According to Jane's book of dungeons, that was a petroleum jelly. One of the more dangerous subspecies of gelatinous goops. No more fire."

"Yes sir," Daisy used duct tape to hold her dress together, if they met any ducks, she was safe too. "next time I'll use magic missile."

"Not in a confined space," Seymour the destroyer warned her.

"Why not?"

"No after quest ice cream."

"Yes sir!" Daisy acquiesced with alacrity. The last time they'd had after quest ice cream, her BLANKETTY BLANK had been on the front page of The Timely Times and that had been the least exciting bit!

"I still don't know how you managed to not be pregnant with quintuplets," Cleric Firm-Posterior glared at the party witch. It didn't work though. "Maid?"

"There's a button and a sign here." The maid pointed, she knew why Daisy wasn't on her third litter of little bunny-girls, but it was a secret that she wasn't allowed to think about because it was BLANKETTY BLANK level secret and she'd been threatened with having her BLANKETTY BLANK removed with only a BLANKETTY BLANK and a teaspoon!

"What does it say?" miss Slime looked at it, there was a big red button and a sign pointing to it. "press me?"

A huge manly hand stopped her, then batted away the cleric's hand too. "Don't." He pulled miss Slime away and wrapped her around the party scientist.

"But if we don't press it, we'll never know."

Daisy looked at it curiously. "Type three red button. Someone else with a much shorter life expectancy can press it." she peered around the back of the sign and saw the biggest dungeon cockroach ever. It waved at her so she asked it about the button. The response was a most emphatic "don't."

"There appears to be a hidden stairway over there." The droll elf pointed out, it was well hidden but the worn path went straight to it. Besides, he'd bought a map from the concessions booth while the maid had been buying tickets. He showed Seymour the destroyer and they looked around, "twisty passages all different, twisty passages, all the same, bottomless pit, two metric meters deep, hidden stairway and bridge over unbelievably scary bottomless chasm nearly three metric meters deep to the fountain of eternal …"

"Eternal what?" miss Slime had just discovered tonsils. The poor party scientist lolled in her arms.

"It just says eternal ellipsis. You know, dot dot dot." The elf declared in his soporific monotone. Then he noticed the look the cleric was giving him and cheered up, he definitely didn't want a repeat of that incident. "There's a note that says, contains stalagmites."

"That way!" The cleric decided. Wiping the drool on her sleeve. "no button miss Slime."

"All right." Miss Slime followed Seymour the destroyer, dragging along her scientist in the desperate hope that he would want to science her all over, several times and with no clothes on either.

The bottomless chasm was over two meters deep. That meant it was serious. The rope bridge over it was, of course, old and tatty looking. It also sagged so much that in the middle it touched the bottom of the bottomless chasm over two meters deep. It recovered quite a lot when Truly Unstoppable got off it. She actually weighed more than Seymour, making up in bra size what she lacked in the musclebound hunk of chiseled testosterone department.

"Typical, they used an imperial meter rope bridge over a metric meter chasm. Amateurs!" The party scientist was feeling much better, even if he had to hold both of miss Slime's hands for his own safety.

"No monsters."

"That's in the next paragraph but one," the elf droned, "we're supposed to have an exposition from the narrator about the perils of dungeoning after drinking that much coffee. The fearsome beasts and the Gygax. As long as the lights don't go out, we're safe, stuff like that. Miss Slime, can you please stop sucking the party scientist's brain out, we need him."

"Bah." she hissed sibilantly, "you try being me, it's not easy."

"Don't be silly, he looks dumb as hell in a bra and whatever the hell those things keeping your BLANKETTY BLANK in check are." Cleric Firm-Posterior grumbled, "His cross-dressing days are over." They looked at the map. From the wide ledge next to the bottomless over two metric meters deep chasm they stood on, to the next room there were three tunnels. "Left, middle or right?"

"How about whichever one doesn't have the slimes in?" Daisy pointed out, she pointed her wand down one, "fire!" and there was fire. So much fire that it set off the sprinklers. "this one."

"Hey, I just levelled up!" the party scientist chimed cheerfully.

"We must have celebratory level up sex!" miss Slime volunteered for the onerous duty.

"After we get back," Captain. No! Seymour the destroyer grunted manfully, furrowing his brow, "we need his brains." he noticed her look, "we need his brains inside his head and still working." He corrected himself manlificently, managing to clench is fists and realise that he had forgotten to consult the astrogator for ominous signs. "Just what level are you anyway?"

"Thirty." the cleric volunteered, her healing magic also included the ability to see what she was trying to heal. As opposed to her perverting magic which had gotten her into so much trouble that her BLANKETTY BLANK had been on the weekend special Timely Times colour supplement! Fortunately Seymour the destroyer had been somewhat drunk at the time and it had been dark and besides, it was several chapters ago. The only evidence was the stain on her cleric's robe, that wouldn't wash off either.

The burned out passageway led them to a gigantic dome cavern with the ceiling covered in thousands of glowing stalactites. A narrow pathway went around the side. They would have to go around to the far side and climb steps up to another level.